


Memory of a Man

by mage_989



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Gen, Team: Squish, Trekstock Prompt 1: Words to Live By
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-06-01
Updated: 2013-06-01
Packaged: 2017-12-13 14:59:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/825632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mage_989/pseuds/mage_989
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spock is not handling recent events well.  He goes to New Vulcan for answers and is surprised by what he learns. Spoilers for Star Trek Into Darkness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Memory of a Man

                           “You know he’s really not dead, as long as we remember him.”

Memory of a Man 

Selek had seen many unexpected things since coming to this new universe. But seeing his younger self never failed to be mildly shocking every time; especially seeing him at the healing temple on New Vulcan. Still this was his place of work now and as such he would be professional. Selek straightened his back and made his way over to the young man. As he approached Selek could see that Spock was pale and seemed tired. Spock turned to him and Selek saw that his eyes were glazed and quite unfocused.

“Spock, what brings you here? The Enterprise cannot be fully repaired already.”

“It is not. I have come on another vessel. My reasons for being here are…personal.”

“I see then please follow me.”

Selek took his counter-part beyond the entrance hall, an icy fear settling in his stomach. If Spock had found recent events so overwhelming to his control he could have come here to attempt Kolinahr. If that was his goal Selek would have to fight against it. Destiny or not he would not let himself make the same mistake twice.

He led Spock into one of the private chambers of the temple. As Spock settled onto the mediation mat Selek lit the candles surrounding it and then sat down himself, facing Spock.

“What troubles you?”

“I have noticed an increase in anxiety following recent events. They are great tragedies and I have tried to deal with them in the company of my crewmates who are dealing with that loss as well, but I am not improving. I now find restful sleep impossible, and I am unable to reach deeper levels of mediation.”

“You are experiencing symptoms that are similar to those who suffered at the loss of Vulcan, but it should not be happening at this late date.”

“I know.”

“Have you found any physical cause?”

“They have run their tests and Doctor McCoy has informed me, and I quote, ‘there is not a damn thing wrong with me’.”

Selek let one corner of his mouth twitch at those words. “Of course, anything else?”

Spock bowed his head, breathing deeply, and took a moment to try and collect himself.

“I…I feel…strongly.”

Selek looked at him kindly. “You know that we all do, Spock.”

“These feelings are not my own. There are of fear, of frustration, of longing for a woman I have never met. I-I see with eyes that are not mine. When Kirk was dying I thought of him not as a friend, but as a son I-”

Spock swayed where he sat and Selek grabbed his shoulder to steady him.

“Help me,” Spock pleaded his voice rough and seemingly not his.

Selek nodded and brought his hand to Spock’s face. Letting his fingers move into the proper position with the ease of years of experience.

“My mind to your mind, my thoughts to your thoughts.”

When their minds connected Spock could barely contain a feeling of great euphoria. Selek’s mind was wonderful. So open and yet collected. With wisdom that seemed to stretch on endlessly. Spock could spend eternity in here.

‘Remember, Spock, we are here to help your mind, not rifle through mine.’

‘Yes, yes of course.’

Selek helped Spock refocus and explore his mind. To a light touch Spock’s mind seemed to be as it should, well-structured and organized. As Selek probed deeper though he found a spot that radiated pain and confusion. It was wounded and what’s more it did not belong there, it was not Spock.

‘How unexpected, you are keeping a katra.’

Spock felt chilled at that announcement. ‘Admiral Pike.’

At that name Selek pulled forth an image from his own mind.  Of a man with a strong jaw, a sharp voice, and a serious nature, coming back for him as he fell to the dirt, blood pooling from a wound in his leg. Pike was pulling him to his feet and letting him lean against his shoulder as they escaped the fortress on Rigel Seven.

Selek pulled himself away from the ancient memories and focused on Spock.

‘You melded with him as he died.’

‘I tried to save him. I was too late for my mother I couldn’t fail again…But I did.’

Then there were images of a man who had mentored Spock through the Academy. When others shunned his inquires and concerns Pike had listened and worked with him. He was the one who had let Spock know that his decision to join Starfleet was the correct one, despite the obstacles that he faced. Pike had great confidence in him that he was going to be a fine officer, and that Pike would never want anyone else to be at his side as first officer. In fact Pike had worked to make sure that Starfleet would allow Spock the chance to join the flagship as outdated promotion models were updated to acknowledge Starfleet’s growing diversity in personnel.

‘I should have done more for him.’

Again Selek was reminded of his own captain. His mind pulled another memory forward.  This time Pike was confined to a chair, his face brunt almost beyond recognition.

_"You know why I have come…I know it is treachery and it is mutiny, but I must do this.”_

‘I was willing to give up my life to help him. You have shown the same loyalty, Spock, never doubt that.’

‘You knew him when he was a captain.'

‘Indeed, I was under his command for eleven years, four months, and five days.’

'I never had the chance to serve with him properly. As you did, do you know who the woman is?' Spock quickly formed a picture of the person he saw in his dreams. She had long black hair, striking blue eyes, and a soft smile.

‘Number One.’

Yes Selek knew her. She had been the most efficient officer on the Enterprise for many years, and hadn’t held a grudge when she had taught Spock all she knew and he surpassed her. She had always being the first one to every staff meeting and the last one to leave. Her personality was cool and confident, a serious and composed individual. Looking back now Selek could admit great admiration for her, and a feeling of camaraderie for a person so much like himself.

Spock could only be disappointed as he pulled up a memory of reading a report that she had not survived an away mission to Altair Six. At that memory Spock’s body shuddered and his head throbbed.

‘She said she would wait for him. He seeks her,’ Selek informed Spock gently.

His head throbbed again and Spock focused on maintaining the meld.

‘Why is it so difficult to control myself? As Vulcans we are told from adolescence that we may be called upon to be the keeper of a katra, even if they are not kin to us.’

‘Humans have difficulty holding katras. It seems holding human katras poses the same difficulties for us.’

‘What can I do to help ease this?’

‘He wants to find her. He wants to be free. We will have to work to remove his essence from your mind. Only then can you fully recover and both of you can have peace.’

At those words Spock broke the meld and sat back.

“If I let him go he will be forgotten.”

Selek looked at him quizzically. “What do you mean?”

“All that we are, all that we know is within the katra. I have heard a human saying that a man lives on in the minds of others. How can that be if I do not keep his katra?”

Selek could only marvel at Spock. He still looked at the universe within such a literal framework. Selek had almost forgotten what it was like to be so young.

“It is a figure of speech, Spock. For humans the memory of their loved one stays with them when that loved one dies, and their actions encourages them or discourages them in their own decisions as they continue to live their lives.”

“Is that enough of a legacy? Should there not be more?”

Selek raised an eyebrow. “In my universe Captain Pike died over a century ago. I still remember him and the influence he had on my life has been long and lasting. Also the works a person does in their lifetime can live on as well. In this universe Admiral Pike’s desire to make Starfleet more open may well inspire people who have never met him. We know of Shakespeare, Curie, and Cochrane. People who have been gone hundreds of years and yet they still have an influence on our lives. We are all connected with greater and lesser things in the universe, Spock, do you understand?”

“Yes, yes I believe I do.”

***

Spock had returned to Earth and had asked Pike’s family where he wished to be so he could release his katra properly. Pike’s mother had told Spock about a patch of wooded area behind her old house that Pike had grown up in. She couldn’t bury her son there, that land belonged to someone else now, but she said that was always Pike’s favourite spot.

So Spock had found that area. A large oak tree sprawled over most of it. One of its roots had grown out large and thick underneath its branches and Spock thought that Pike had probably spent a lot of time just sitting on that root and thinking. A warm feeling in his mind told him that he was right. So as the leaves and branches of the huge tree swayed softly in the early morning breeze Spock let him go.

***

When Spock’s duty to Pike’s katra was complete he went to San Francisco to perform his duty as a fellow officer to the fallen. Now that his mind was his own again Spock looked upon the service with calm and serenity. The service was appropriate he supposed, though not what Pike might have desired. It was large and pompous and spoke of duty and sacrifice. What set Pike above others not what drew them together.

It seemed Doctor McCoy agreed. “Someone should say something,” the doctor said when only he, Kirk, and Spock were left at the grave.

“I still can’t believe he’s really gone.” Kirk said blinking hard and dropping his head as the loss overwhelmed him again.

Spock thought on Kirk’s words for a moment and then spoke softly.

 

“Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there; I do not sleep

I am a thousand winds that blow 

I am the diamond glints of snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain

I am the gentle autumn rain

When you awaken in the morning hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight

I am the soft starlight at night

Do not stand at my grave and cry

I am not there I did not die.”

 

The End


End file.
